WT actual F, 2020.

Ok so let me just kick things off by saying FOR THE SAKE OF ACTUAL FUCK, WHAT THE HELL IS HAPPENING.

And breathe. That feels better already.

So far, the only good thing to come out of this year are the memes, which have been out of this goddamn world. Other than that, 2020 has felt like one of those anxiety dreams where you’re trying to get somewhere and there’s planes crashing around you and the ground has been replaced by treacle and someone has tied your shoelaces together. AND IT IS ONLY APRIL.

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The best yet.

We all waited with baited breath for BoJo to tell us if we were going to be allowed outside during lockdown. The collective sigh of relief from everyone on Strava was audible around the country. Now if only the fucknuggets could stop driving to parks and public spaces to exercise their brats and dogs, that’d be great….

Despite the fact that December was actually in fact last year(NO, REALLY), it feels like it’s been 1900 months since we started hearing about this new Coronavirus that was taking out cities in China. My line of work involves every day dealings with the Far East, and it was clear from the start that this would have a significant global impact.

China shut down for CNY and then remained closed. It started spreading. And now it is here and suddenly everyone is making banana bread, naming their sourdough starters and stockpiling bog roll while watching Tiger King. What a time to own a conference calling platform, eh?

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I started working from home around the 18th March which was surreal. I’m very lucky that we have office space in our house so my work PC and desk plant have come home to live here for a bit. Then, on April 1st, I was put on Furlough. A relatively new word to most of us but one we’re now hearing many, many times a day.

Furlough is bizarre. I have never not worked. Not since my first job at 15. So being UNABLE to work, or check emails, or do ANYTHING work related makes me exceptionally anxious. At the moment, we are able to run or cycle or walk outside once per day as exercise. Which means that I can train to some degree. However I had signed up for the small matter of a 140.6 and this change in routine and lifestyle has COMPLETELY floored me!

I haven’t swum for nearly a month and that makes me so unbelievably sad inside. Our back garden isn’t the right layout for a paddling pool plus tether set up, so I’m restricted to focusing on upper body and core work to ensure I don’t lose too much strength. I am gladly in the position where my swim is still strong AF, so I should hopefully not lose too much speed.

The arrival of a smart trainer has massively boosted my cycling fitness. There’s no hiding from resistance now! (I see you, Strava wankers with your low AF heart rates and massive speeds…..) And I managed a very consistent and not-at-all-traumatic half marathon round Loch Leven on March 29th as Alloa had been postponed.

I also notice that all it’s taken is the apocalypse for Scotland to have some outstanding weather. One theory I heard from a tinfoil hat wearer was that the weather has suddenly improved because there are no planes in the sky……

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See? No planes. Must be true….

My gut is telling me that it is EXTREMELY unlikely that Kalmar will go ahead this year. Which is a pain because I was hoping to spend next year planning a wedding (lol – yup you read that right…..) however I refuse to let anything get in the way of doing what I can in case it DOES go ahead…. Am I nervous about bike fitness? Absolutely. But I can only do what I can, and literally everyone in the world is in the same situation.

Mentally, I’ve been very much up and down. Not being able to hug my sister when I asked her to be my maid of honour was rough (I’ll elaborate in a sec) And not being able to cuddle my mum and dad is the actual worst. I miss my niece and my friends and I worry so much about my parents and Beardy’s as well. But I am reassured that they are all taking the threat VERY seriously and letting us help them by doing their weekly shops. Being able to help gives me something to focus on.

So. Maid of Honour, eh? Well. Lissie came round to pick up some stuff for Rosie and, through my open office window I handed her an envelope, inside which was a card and a bracelet asking her to be my matron (LOL – cause she’s old and married) of honour. We cried, held hands through the open window, and then dutifully applied hand sanitiser….. certainly an experience I won’t forget in a hurry. No less meaningful, but certainly drove home how much our lives have changed over the last month.

One thing I find I struggle with massively, is the open-endedness of all of this. Not knowing when I’ll go back to work, not knowing if Kalmar is definitely off, not knowing when this will subside here and just general horrible news everyday is really piling up and pushing me under. I know I am very much not alone. My friends and I send each other video notes and voice notes every day in an attempt to help combat the perils of isolation, I’ve been baking and cooking more and working my way through a very (VERY) long to-do list for the house and garden.

I’ve had good days where I’ve felt like I’ve really accomplished something, and I’ve had bad days where I’ve just felt like this will never end and had absolutely fuck all motivation to do anything!

I try to see this as a huge opportunity to read the books I’ve not had time to read, try some distance-learning, do what I can fitness wise (I’ve started practising yoga properly every single morning which was bloody unheard of for me!!) and I am trying to make the most of being at home and unable to go anywhere. I guess as a Millennial, this is the closest I’ll ever get to experiencing retirement(LOL FML)

I’ve given myself a daily schedule and I set my alarm for the same time every day so that I don’t waste the mornings lying in bed scrolling. I also try not to get sucked into rolling news coverage. There’s only so much I can take before I’m being drawn back into the whirling vortex of dread where I realise it could actually be another 3 months before I get my balayage topped up.

Whatever the next few months brings, my house will be spotless, my cat will be sick of the sight of me and my baking skills will have improved wildly.

I look forward to emerging bleary eyed from the apocalypse into the bright sunlight with quads like kegs and a monobrow, ready to fight to the death in the streets for the last remaining roll of Charmin.

Stay well, friends. And may the odds be ever in your favour.

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