Hello…. It’s me. 

Where have I been? Where am I? Sometimes I lose my way and forget what’s important in The Grand Scheme of Things and seeing as it’s ‘that time of year again’ *groan*  I found it was time for me to sit back for a bit and ‘ave a word with myself. 

A Twitter hiatus was needed so I did The Sensible Thing and stepped away from The Twitter for a bit. And it’s been lovely. 

Working in retail, Christmas is all but ruined by grumpy customers and sale prep. But I do find that I tend to get all misty eyed and nostalgic as I reflect on the last twelve months and start to look forward to the next. 

So what has 2015 meant to me?

Well. It started brilliantly with a 15km run on January 1st. Less than 2 weeks later and my IT Band fell out or fell off or something,  quite spectacularly after a hill sprint session in the snow. That put my 30 week Feldy plan into something of a tailspin and I basically had to go back to square one. With everything. Even walking.

Frustratingly the year is bookended by injury. Spoiler alert. 

Happily, though, once recovered i dipped my toe, then foot, then face into training, I managed several 10ks, powering through my previous PBs one race at a time. I swam in Loch Lomond and was in the top 20 of my age group without even really training or gunning it. I swam in Loch Tay. And I swam in Loch Ore. Which is a bit more full of shopping trolleys than the other two. 

I made and cemented friendships. I ran an entire half marathon. No walking. 

I took on a coach, who has revolutionised the way I look at food. I’ve been welcomed with open arms into his team where each wonderful member is a source of inspiration and unwavering support. 

I’ve learned (some) patience. And how to take stock and try to remain calm. I’ve learned to trust my training. Even if it’s suffered due to injury. I’ve learned than I can have all the miles in the world in my legs but the battle is in the head most of the time. 

Perhaps, most significantly, I realised an ambition and became Half-Iron Bean. This is something I have forgotten a bit about during the last 8 weeks of frustration and benzodiazepine infused highs. I did that. Me. Me and my legs. And a bike built with love and only a little dash of furious impatience (Ha!) I trained my body and mind to do a thing not many people do. From scratch. I realised that it IS possible. That I COULD one day be IronBean. It’s not an impossible dream. I fell in love with a sport. Like a weirdo. 

Heartbreakingly, we said goodbye to our beautiful Jess-Dawg. And our old boy Fizz the cat. Two beloved family members that were so so cherished. The grief has taken me by surprise and I am still overwhelmed by it from time to time. It also catches me off guard. Which is more than a little inconvenient as I queue for the bus and see a border collie out for a walk with its owner. *wobbly bottom lip* 

8 weeks ago a (not even heavy) deadlift with a lapse in concentration lead to 6 weeks of slow SLOW recovery and then two weeks of a buggered neck. Fucking tremendous, that was. Injury, as always, leads to uber-caution and total fear of further injury and illness. Right now I’m typing this inside a hermetically sealed bubble filled with cotton wool. It’s not so convenient for or work but it’ll do. 

Now with my back injuries (hopefully) behind me, I now look forward to next year with mixed emotions. 

2016 will mark 30 years on this fine planet. 

That’s correct. On May 6th 1986 I came careering into this world with a full head of hair and a whole life of drunken escapades and poor life choices ahead of me. 

I’ll be marking this momentous birthday with The London Marathon. Etape Caledonia. Maybe Aberfeldy again. Another swim in Loch Lomond. And maybe some more adventures on the way. 

30. Shit. 

It’s not old. But it’s BIG! Grown up. ‘Official sounding’. People will need to start taking me seriously. Can’t promise I’ll ever take myself seriously though…

Time to stop arsing about and be a grown up, Bean. Or something. 

It’s time to stop worrying about being ill or getting an injury. What will be will be. I’ve got to remember that this is supposed to be fun. I want to enjoy this journey. I want to look forward to every session. I am ready to be excited again…